Have you ever been to a pamper evening? You know, the kind that treats your flaws, and makes you feel better about them?
Well, you know me. I’m good for making a laugh out of any situation, I’m good for making others happy. Well, life would be dull without it. Right?
That’s what I thought, until I made a complete fool of myself. I know what you’re thinking, why should you be surprised?
Okay, so do you want to hear what happened this time? Yeah, I know. Of course you do, you nosy bugger. You need a laugh, right? Well, let me entertain you!
What’s the first thing you check out at these events? For me, it’s cake. Always the cake. Have you ever mistaken soap for cake? Trust me, you don’t want to.
I’ve had the busiest day, keeping my mind from straying to my thoughts, because thinking meant Drew, and Drew meant depression. I’m ready to be over that. Fintio. Sayonara. Au Revoir.
So, I’ve been busy, working without eating when I’m being roped into coming here. Oh, the things we do for friends.
My stomach hasn’t stopped gurgling for the past few hours, berating me for ignoring it. So, the moment I burst through the doors I’m rushing towards the cake stand. I need something to eat, and I barge my way across all the stalls. I pay without thinking, something I’ve done real well all day, unseal the wrapper and take a bite, before I spit every last morsel across the packed hall floor.
I’m rushing for water.
My mouth is foaming like I’m a rabid squirrel. My eyes are watering like I’ve bitten an onion.
No, this is worse than that, and EVERYONE is staring.
Here’s a little lesson ladies, never mistake a fancy bath bomb for a cupcake even if it looks like it.
That shit sucks. Trust me.
You know the old saying ‘Don’t talk dirty or I’ll wash your mouth out with soap?’ Yeah, I’d fear that sentiment from now on. The burn in your nose isn’t worth it, so bottle that cockiness for another day. You can thank me later.
Foam party for one, you say? Well, I guess I can cross that off my bucket list.
P.S It isn’t fun when you wake in the middle of the night because a hidden sud has popped, and is oozing a soapy trail for you to ingest. Again. Just in case you forgot how stupid you were the first time. Nice one, Lib.
Poor Liberty’s been at it again, and I’m sure this isn’t the last of her conundrums. Stay tuned for more in Living Funny; Dying Clumsy. And if you need to catch up, check out the category tab to the right for previous posts.